Choosing joy.

Wednesday was a horrible day, y'all.

I was fine until I wasn't. And then it went all sideways. A simple decision to grab something to eat while my daughter was in her evening dance class turned into an anxiety nightmare that had me crying while eating veggie chili in the HEB parking lot (where the dance studio is).

How sad is that?

I was ready to decide not to run in the marathon this weekend, just so I could run and get some relief.

I was telling an acquaintance about this tapering business earlier in the week, confessing to my anxiety and how out of control it is now.

"But, honestly, I've really never noticed any anxiety coming from you," she said. "Even when we're up against a wall on something, you are able to work out a solution."

Well, duh. Because running.

I woke up Thursday morning still not sure what I was going to do. I still had time to cancel the hotel. Again, I'd lose my entry fee, but it would be a cheap price to pay to feel normal again.

And then I got on Facebook. I have a friend whom I have known for years (since elementary school, maybe?). We've never been particularly close, but we are friends on Facebook and I enjoy reading about her girls' exploits.

This friend also has a fairly serious issue that she deals with daily. Every day, this is part of her life, and it has been for years.

Thursday on Facebook, her statuses were filled with sassy, fiery pronouncements. Pep talks to herself, but really for all of us.

And they hit home for me that morning. What in the hell was I doing? Pouting, crying, being generally grumpy and cranky all because I couldn't run?

Is that who I am?

I decided right then and there that if my friend could face her trials with spunk and optimism and sass then I could face my first-world problem with all of that too.

I mean, really...I am healthy enough to contemplate running a marathon. I am healthy enough to train to run a marathon. I have already run two, and while the last one was a disappointment for me performance-wise, I was able to complete it.

What am I getting all upset and anxious about?

So I am, to borrow a sort of tired and cliched phrase, choosing joy. I am making a concentrated effort to focus on the fun part of the marathon.

And don't get me wrong, when I am finally able to unleash these restless legs on Sunday morning, I will be having a blast.

It's working, y'all. I don't know if the excitement of the race is catching up to me or if my serious effort at controlling my emotions and anxiety is doing it, but I made it through yesterday with nary a meltdown. I didn't even get close.

I understand that this is a quick fix, and if I were facing prolonged downtime because of an injury or something, it wouldn't necessarily work. But to get me through a few days until I can run?

Totally do-able.