Totals.

If I run six miles tonight as I plan, I will have run 127.5 miles the month of January.

I missed one day due to weather, and two days due to strep.

I've lost almost five pounds this month.

The most I've run in a day has been 10 miles, on Jan. 15. The most I've run in a week has been 34 miles, the week of Jan. 9-15.

I'm not generally numbers-type person. I have two degrees in English, and anything more than addition, subtraction and multiplication is too much for me.

But running brings out the obsessive in me. The only "proof" I have to measure my success is through numbers -- mileage, pounds, etc. I can't prove that I feel great, and that my mood is 1,000x better than it was previously.

But numbers do not lie.

Busy.

I've been busy the past few days, so I haven't been blogging.

But I have been running!

I ran a total of 31 miles last week (Sunday through Saturday). Not as many as I wanted to run -- rain sidelined me on Monday; Thursday, I wasn't feeling well, so I just ran three; and yesterday, we had Katie's belated birthday party, so I just did 8 miles around the neighborhood.

I still ran, though! And I'm still losing weight. I'm down almost 40 pounds.

I'm running into clothing issues -- I did this last time around, too. Finding size 2s and 4s in clothing that a 38-year-old professional woman would wear is difficult. I spent a good part of my Friday night at the mall trying to find a black skirt that was appropriate and fit correctly.

I ended up ordering something online later that night.

---

Things not to say to someone who is losing weight (and yes, I've heard each and every one of these, mainly at work):

"Wow, you're so skinny. Are you anorexic?"

"You've lost so much weight. If you lose anymore, we're going to start talking about you, and it won't be good."

"You have one foot in anorexia-land and the other on a banana peel."

(And after I've just eaten and excused myself to go to the bathroom): "Are you going to vomit now?"

I am just fine with people commenting on my weight. I've worked HARD on it, and I'm proud of what I've done. And there are several who have commented in a way that reinforces me.

But to insinuate that I've done this anyway but the healthy way makes me angry.

Anorexia? Really?

I did have a co-worker stop in my office a few weeks ago and say that she had noticed that I had lost weight and that I looked really nice and that she was proud of me because she knew I had done it the right way. She had noticed me gradually losing weight a few months ago.

That was nice. :-)

I know that it's a sticky wicket for people when they start talking about others' weight, and that sometimes things might come out that otherwise wouldn't. But comments relating my weight loss to anorexia or bulimia hurt.

I have been very careful about how I've lost weight and comments that I make at home, because as I've said here before, I have the sweetest little girl who thinks I am the most awesome person ever. She watches me very closely. She parrots my opinions and ideas (best one was when she told her daddy that she didn't want to shop at Wal-Mart because they treat their workers badly.).

So I doubly have to make sure that what I'm doing is the Right Thing. Always.

Magic!

Apparently, all I have to do is write about wanting something in my blog, and it magically happens! ;-)

I wrote yesterday about having to pick up my pace. I wanted something around 12-minute miles, which is completely do-able.

Last night, I decided to only run three miles. I'm not feeling 100-percent -- I'll live, but I have a cold that is bothering me. 

I ran a little over 11-minute miles!

Maybe if I break my longer runs up into shorter distances in my head, I'll be OK. I also know I didn't run the same pace throughout the run, but I never really slowed down for an entire half-mile. I allowed myself to slow down a bit in the middle of a half-mile for a breather, but I got back up to faster quickly.

Hmmm...

Moving on.

Now that I have established (to myself) that I am indeed going to run every single possible day that I can, I need to work on a few things:

1. Speed. It's weird; I was going faster for a week or so, but now I've slowed down. Not horrendously, but still. I want to run 12-minute miles, but I am constantly going over that by a bit. Frustrating. But that leads to my other issue...

2. Pace. I start off strong. Oh man, I start off strong. If I ran my entire five miles the way I run that first one, I could run five miles in 35 minutes, for real.

But what usually happens is that I start off running like a mad woman and by the time I get halfway done, I am wiped out -- it takes me almost twice as long to run the second half some nights.

But if I don't start off strong, I'm never going to get there. Last night, I started off my run at a reasonable, normal speed, telling myself that once I finished 2.5-3 miles, I would put it in high gear.

Never happened.

So obviously, this is a mental block. One that I can get over, I'm sure, but mental nevertheless.

Finding my style.

I work at a technical college. We have a mix of traditional college-age students and older students. They're a great group of people who are really focused and in a lot of instances, amazing -- juggling multiple jobs and a family in order to get their education.

Yesterday, I was taking photos of an event and one of them said, "Mrs. Miller, you always dress so pretty. You always look so nice."

I thanked her, and told her that once you get to be old like me, you realize what you can wear and what you can't, and don't really bother with a lot of the trends. That is my secret.

When I go back to my 20s, I cringe thinking about what I wore. I didn't really know how I was supposed to dress as a 20-something, so I followed trends, even if they didn't work for me.

Then I had babies and well, maternity clothes aren't the most stylish things in the universe. I think for the last week or so of my pregnant with Katie, I wore the same pair of maternity overalls over and over and over, washing them every night. They were the *only* thing I had that was remotely comfortable.

Then the babies were here, and I was doing good to shower and brush my teeth every day. Clothes were a necessary evil, because of the time issue (I had very little) and the weight issue (I had quite a bit). I wasn't a priority; the babies were.

With age comes wisdom, and with the babies getting older, I have been able to figure out things.

1. Trendy doesn't work for everyone. And just because something is trendy doesn't mean it's bad. I fought against the lower-rise jeans for years, mainly because I was heavy. When I lost my weight a few years ago, I found some (The Gap Long & Lean) that were lower-rise, but not indecently so. I thought skinny jeans were ridiculous this time around, until I lost the weight and bought a couple of pairs, again from The Gap. Trends that don't work for me: Pretty much everything at Forever XXI.

2. Basics are best. A good black skirt. A nice, crisp white shirt. A pair of khakis. Two nice pairs of heels in black and brown. If you have the basics, you can go for some of the trends and pair them and it works. I wore a brown skirt, pink cardigan -- two basics -- and a fabulous (and cheap!) bib necklace the other day. The end result was nice -- classic but a little trendy.

3. Whenever I'm in a quandary, I think, "What would the ladies of 'Mad Men' wear?" Silly, but I love that show, for the storyline, the actors and actresses, the set design, and the CLOTHING. Back in the 60s, designers knew how to dress women who had real bodies. With the popularity of the show, those clothing styles are making a reappearance and I snap up dresses and blouses and skirts like that when I can.

4. If you like something, you like something. I love Caro-Nan basket purses from the late 60s/early 70s. I have three or so, and whenever the first breaths of spring appear, I drag them out. They're not trendy and I'm sure there are many people who think they are positively ugly, but I LOVE them so much! Also along the same lines: I started cutting my hair short when I was in high school -- in the days of BIG hair -- and I haven't stopped. I don't care what they're showing on the runways. I don't care if short hair is out. I look best in short hair, and so every five weeks, I'm at my hair stylist, getting it cut.

I'm not the most stylish person in the world, I assure you, but I've figured out what works for me. I think that's all real style is.

---

I ran last night! That's the battle I fight with myself if and when I take a day off: Am I going to go back out there the next night? If I do, then I know I'm going to be OK. If I don't, then that's a problem.

I have decided to just run the half-marathon in The Gusher. With our trip this past weekend and the rainy weather cutting into my running time, I'm not going to be able to build up my mileage in time.

So I'll run 13.1 miles and then join the party!

Rest. :-(

I had a rest day forced upon me by the rain, damn it.

I'll run in a drizzle, but this was a downpour that flooded portions of the road in my neighborhood.

I was a wreck. First I was debating whether I should run anyway -- it's just rain, right?

Then, I decided I was definitely not going to run.

Then, I got up a few times and checked outside, just to see if the rain had subsided. It had not, so there it was: No run. Then I got antsy, fidgeting and apparently making irritating noises.

Finally, Russ told me that I was going a little insane with the not-running thing and I needed to chill.

I know he's right.

I kept telling myself that last time around with the running, I took rest days here and there and did just fine. I kept telling myself that missing one day wasn't going to result in 30+ pounds being packed back on my frame immediately.

And I kept congratulating myself for getting out there and running every day I could prior to that day -- that kind of made missing last night not so bad, you know?

I ended up reading a little and then falling asleep on the couch.

So I survived a night of not running. I don't want to do it ever again.

Relief.

I ran last night. We got home a little before 9 p.m., and I barely got in the door before I was dragging out some running clothes and heading outside.

I just ran three miles, but length wasn't the point: Doing it was. :-)

When we left yesterday morning, I had made peace with not running. Everybody needs a break, right? I really love my job, but I also enjoy the weekends when I don't have to work. I really am crazy in love with my kids, but I do enjoy those times when Russ takes them somewhere alone, or they spend the night somewhere.

Then we ate lunch, and I overindulged a tiny bit. (Double Dave's Pep'roni Rolls are one of my absolute favorite things in the universe. When I was pregnant with Kyle, I craved them so much I would sit and cry because there wasn't a DD nearby.)

I went shopping and bought some new clothes in a size way smaller than I was wearing back in September. We walked a lot. I told myself that the DD wouldn't matter because I had walked so much.

Then I started thinking about how I wasn't drinking as much water as I usually do because we were in the car so much and I didn't want us to have to stop.

Then we ate supper and I overindulged again. (Tex-Mex, another weakness of mine.)

By the time we hit Winnie, my desire to run was overwhelming. I was really tired and I tried telling myself that even though I overindulged, I would get back to my normal on Sunday and everything would settle in a few days.

But I still ran once we got home. And it felt great.

Panicky.

I likely won't get to run today.

We're going to Houston for the day -- going to hit up the Natural Science and History Museum, let the kids ice-skate at the Galleria, etc.

Intellectually, I know that skipping today isn't going to hurt me. It's not like I'm going to gain back all 38 pounds today. I ran 7 miles last night. I've lost another pound as of this morning. I plan on eating as reasonably as I can. We'll be walking quite a bit. I'm going to do some shopping!

It's going to be OK.

But somewhere, deep inside, I feel panicky about it. I need to run. What am I going to do if we don't get back early enough for me to get a few miles in?

It's an irrational fear, sort of like whenever I go on a business trip and worry obsessively about my children while I'm gone. I know I've left them in the best care possible -- their father and their grandparents -- BUT.

As Pee Wee Herman said, "Everybody's got a big but." (I, unfortunately, have two.)

I've put off having a set "off" day from running, despite all the books, magazines and people telling me I need to have one. If I don't run one day, it makes it that much easier not to run the next or the next. If I can skip a day of running because we're taking a day trip, then why can't I skip a day because I'm just damned tired?

It's a slippery slope.

Crazy talk.

If I don't have something to occupy my mind, I get into trouble. I start thinking about things and then I become obsessed with them and next thing you know, I have a half-finished sundress for a 6-month-old hanging in my laundry (6-month-old is now NINE YEARS OLD, by the way).

My family has been going to bed early. I don't know if it's the weather or if they're still wiped out by the holidays or what, but by the time I get in the house after my run (around 8:15 or so), they're all in bed. Sometimes they're reading; other times, they're snoring.

I, on the other hand, am raring to go. I usually haven't eaten. I need a shower. I have mail to peruse, a DVR to empty.

So last night, I had finished with "The Office," and was winding down to go to bed and I thought, "What if I run The Gusher Marathon this year?"

My previous plan, if you remember, was to run the half-marathon this year, the White Rock Marathon in December, and then go from there (I want to run the Houston Marathon, I'd love to run ATX, San Antonio...).

Am I completely delusional?

Most marathon training plans start 16 weeks out. The Gusher is 7 weeks away. I've been running since mid-October at least, so it's not like I just started yesterday. I'm up to running 10 miles and it's not wiping me out. I feel great afterward and the day afterward, too. I'm planning on getting in 12 miles tomorrow, but I'll have to do it in my neighborhood.

If I continue to push my long run by two miles every week, I'll be up to 20 in four weeks, three weeks before The Gusher.

Physically, I think I can do it. But then I have to consider how I'll feel mentally afterward if I am the very last person to finish. Will I be so bummed out that I'll stop running? Will it depress me beyond belief? Could I possibly injure myself?

Sigh.

I haven't signed up for anything yet. I have until Feb. 25 to officially decide.

I will likely sign up for the half. I'm delusional, but I'm not insane.

I just keep thinking about how magnificent it will feel to cross that finish line after running 26.2 miles.

Whither the weather?

Dear Weather:

Pick a temperature and stick with it, OK? Love, Beth

I'm running regardless what the weather does.

But I wish it would at least be consistent. Tuesday and Wednesday nights, I ran in a skirt and short-sleeved shirt.

Tonight, I'm going to be back in my tights and layers, and apparently splashing through puddles that were almost dry.

Sigh.

(Remind me of this when it's mid-June and I'm griping about the heat and humidity, will you? Thanks.)

---

I'm continuing to lose weight. I left my previously stated goal of 130 behind  a few weeks ago.

I'm eating three meals a day and occasionally a snack.

I'm still drinking my beloved coffee in the morning.

I don't miss sweets that much, and if I do, I have a Hershey's Kiss or a miniature chocolate.

I eat smaller (probably more accurate) portions of what I cook for supper each night. If I'm cooking something that's not particularly wonderful for me, I eat a salad and some soup, or some other "approved" substitute.

I run, pretty much every single evening. The last day I missed was Jan. 2, when I was still miserable with strep.

I feel great. I have tons of energy and my mood is 1000 times better (just ask Russ and the kids). I sleep soundly every night, and bounce out of bed usually 20 minutes before the alarm.

So I'm going to go with this, for now. I figure my body knows what it's doing.

It certainly knew how to put on the weight pretty quickly. I guess it knows how to take it off, too.

Joy.

I run at night for a few reasons, one of which is that I really don't want people watching me run.

I'm sure my form isn't the greatest. I tend to bend over a little bit when I get tired. My pace is off. Sometimes I have big strides; other times, it's almost as if I'm tiptoeing.

I did realize this evening, though: I run with a lot of joy.

I run faster through the fast songs. I hop over puddles. I splash through them sometimes. I giggle when I see my time, each one faster than the one before.

I know that to get out there and be able to run five miles without trouble is a blessing.

And a joy.

---

Everything in my closet fits me: the 4s, the 6s. I also have all the bigger sizes still. I don't know what I'm going to do with them. I tossed everything last time, and look where that got me.

So I may keep them, as a talisman against gaining the weight back. Silly and stupid, but whatever works, right?

Rain. HEB is hell at noon on a Sunday, and yes, my husband was right about our bed sagging.

Yesterday did not start out to be a good day.

First, Russ discovered why our bed has been sagging for three years or so -- his side of the bed frame is broken. He's been complaining about our bed sagging and I've been telling him that my side isn't sagging...well, now we know why.

Then, he broke his glasses. I don't know how and I didn't ask. He was in the bathroom taking a shower and then he was out, with broken glasses. He had prescription sunglasses here, and another pair of glasses at work.

So he drove to work to get his regular glasses and then went to the laundromat to wash our huge quilt. Our washing machine cannot handle it, so the only way to wash it is to use the industrial washing machines at the laundromat.

That meant that I had to take the kids to the grocery store with me. And because they slept late, I didn't get my usual early start, and HEB  at noon on a Sunday is just one step away from hell.

They behaved themselves pretty well, but it was crowded and no matter where they stood, they were in the way, and other people were rude and HEB didn't have quinoa at all and I was just a mess when I finally got out of there.

Then it was raining. Steadily.

I sat on the couch and waited. Every 30 minutes, I'd get up and check to see if it had let up. I was antsy and anxious.

Finally, I decided I was going to run anyway. I'm so glad I did. Looks like I'll be making a repeat run today...

Ten miles. No potty. :-(

I ran 10 miles at the hike and bike trail yesterday after my hair cut and color. It was a great day for a run, warm and semi-sunny. It took me just a little over two hours to run the 10 miles, so that wasn't bad. I'm aiming for less than 2.5 hours in The Gusher Half in March, and I think it's do-able.

My one complaint: Dear City of Beaumont, Please, please, please, PLEASE put a bathroom of some sort near the trail. It can be in the parking lot, it can be along the trail, anywhere. Love, Beth

I drink a ton of water. And I've had two children. Put that together with the pounding a body takes while running, and...ugh.

Usually, I think ahead and cut off my water consumption an hour or so before I go run, particularly if I'm going somewhere to run. Yesterday morning -- and I take full responsibility for this -- I didn't think about it, and by the time I got to the trail, I had consumed almost 50 ounces of water. Now I had gone to the bathroom a few times while letting the color set on my hair, so I thought I was OK.

Not so much. I had to interrupt my run -- stop my watch, go to the my car and drive to the nearest bathroom (in a nasty gas station a quarter of a mile away) and then drive back to the trail to finish the run.

I understand why the trail doesn't have bathrooms. The maintenance of them would add to the cost of the trail's upkeep (which I assume is fairly low). Having a bathroom there would also invite troublemakers.

I get that. My bladder doesn't.

Fast shoes.

When my brothers and I were little (this is well before my sister came along), whenever my mom and dad would buy us new shoes, the boys' main concern was "Are they fast shoes, Mama? Are they fast?"

She would assure them that yes, they are fast shoes, and once they put them on, they'd race around the house in their "fast shoes."

Last night, I ran five miles in under hour. I think I had my "fast shoes" on. :-)

I'm back to the pace I was back when I started running a few years ago.

---

I'm down to 125. My size 4 jeans from a few years ago now fit me. At some point today, I'll try on those size 4 dresses, just to see.

So here's the struggle: Last time I weighed this amount, I ran the Houston Half-Marathon, and then just kind of got bored with running. I had read that when you run a major race like a half or a whole, you're supposed to lay off running for the same amount of days as the race you ran. So I was supposed to not run for about 13 days.

I never really went back. I tried, and said that I was going to start running again. I even signed up for a marathon or two. But I wasn't consistent. I wasn't committed.

I have to make this time different. Not running is not an option if I want to stay at a healthy weight and be fit. It's clear that my body likes to run. I don't really have the aches and pains that others do, even though I run every single day.

The marathon that I want to run in December 2011, so I have to make it through then.

And things are different now because I'm done with grad school. My kids are a little older so I have a tiny bit more time freed up.

And I know how it feels not to run. It's misery for me.

Misery.

Double-edged sword.

So, people are starting to notice my weight loss. It seems to go in spurts, the noticing. I'll be rocking along, minding my own business and then two or three or 20 people will comment on it.

The comments make me want to do two things:

1. Run and hide.

2. Bask in the fact that I have lost quite a bit of weight. I did what I said I was going to do. Smile BIG and thank them profusely.

It's weird that running and hiding is one of the things I want to do when someone comments. I mean, one of the many reasons that I decided to lose weight was that I wanted to be noticed. I wanted people to think, "Hey, that Beth Miller is in great shape."

But the actual noticing part is...scary. Because then I know: They're looking at ME.

I'm typically not a Girl Who Is Noticed. I blend in most of the time, although some of my sartorial choices force me to stand out. (What can I say? I like unusual things.) So 99 percent of the time, I can pretend that I'm under the radar.

Well, when someone says, "Hey, you've lost weight, right? You look great," I know that I'm not flying under the radar any longer, if I ever was.

When I lost more than 100 pounds a few years ago, I hid in my regular clothing for a while. I wasn't ready for people to notice. But little by little, I wore things to let them know that I was smaller. This time, I kind of went whole hog. Once I could fit in 10s, that's what I wore. Once I could fit into 6s, that's what I wore.

I didn't really give myself a chance to get used to the weight loss. Maybe that's why it's so scary when someone notices.

I don't know that I really believe it's happened until that point. And it shocks and delights me every time.

Skirting: The Issue.

I prefer to run in skirts. They don't bunch up like shorts can. They're aren't tight or confining like pants.

I'm kind of obsessed with them. I have several and I'm always on the lookout for another style or type.

I just received this one in the mail yesterday, from Athleta:

Cute, huh? And, if I'm running errands around town, I could totally wear this and it would work.

I also have several running skirts and an actual running dress from Skirtsports:

and these pants/skirts for days when I feel like my butt is just really too big for public consumption:

I always get jealous of men who can run in just shorts, socks and shoes. In the past, when I ran early in the morning, I just wore shorts, a sports bra, socks and shoes. I'm not there yet, plus it's damned cold! Skirts are just another way of freeing me to run.

---

I made my 12-minute miles last night! Now to become consistent with that.

---

I found this quote yesterday, which kind of sums up how I feel:

"For me, as for so many runners, there really are no finish lines. Runs end; running doesn't." - Dean Karnazes

(Karnazes is a pretty famous ultra-marathoner.)

It's not about getting to the finish line on a particular day, at a particular time. My goal -- one that is achievable -- is to make running one of those things that I do every day, like laundry, or brushing my teeth.

I'm there now; I just have to make sure I can keep it up for the long haul. I do foresee a time when I don't run every single day. But am I going to try to run every single possible day I can? Definiitely.

The last time I was out at the hike and bike trail, a man passed me, pushing a woman in a wheelchair. I'm making lots of assumptions, but I think they're fair ones. She is his wife and she appeared to have suffered from a pretty bad stroke. She was held in her wheelchair with a belt.

The man was pleasant enough, talking to her as he pushed, and it was a good day to be outside. But she wasn't responsive.

It made me think of the days between the last time I was on a running spree and this time around. How much time did I waste doing something else that I could have been running? How many times did I decide to watch that stupid show (even though we have a DVR and I could have watched it later) instead of running. How many times did I change the alarm time to an hour later instead of running?

How much am I going to regret not taking advantage of that in the future? How much of my energy, leg strength, etc., have I wasted in my life, because of something really meaningless and stupid?

Not going to do that anymore.

Bad taste.

I've discovered that my like for sweet foods is pretty much gone. Instead of a piece of chocolate giving me a nice, pleasant feeling, I get this sudden visceral reaction. It's so strong and quick that I get panicky for a few seconds.

I've had very few truly sweet things since I started trying to lose weight. A dessert at Thanksgiving. A few desserts at Christmas. Cake on Katie's birthday.

There are a few things that are sweetened that I have daily: My coffee, with Splenda and sugar-free creamer (just a bit), and Diet Coke or Coke Zero or Diet Dr. Pepper. I can handle those, possibly because I do have them daily. But everything else is just too much.

I discovered this on Monday at lunchtime. I went to Jason's Deli and had a cup of chicken noodle soup and a salad bar. I put their Leo's fat-free Italian dressing on my salad -- just a little -- and it was too sweet for me. I've had this dressing before, but on Monday, I was wishing that I hadn't put anything on my salad.

---

I'm getting faster. Last night, I ran my four miles in well under an hour. Usually, I finish very close to an hour, or some nights, a little more than an hour (*blush*).

But last night, I did 12.5-minute miles. I'm striving for miles around the 11-12-minute range. I'm almost there. :-)

Even though it was cold, I was fine. A hoodie, a sweatshirt, some gloves, a hat and I'm good to go. Not very pretty, but good to go!

New Me, Almost-New Wardrobe.

One of the perks of losing all that weight AGAIN (gotta keep throwing that in there to remind myself that it always comes back), is that I have all these clothes to wear.

Last night, I tried on a skirt and a dress that I haven't worn since 2007 -- they both fit perfectly and since I try to keep to a simple classic style, they are perfect for work. Blue jeans from 2006 fit again. They're faded, but that's OK.

I have two more dresses that I'm dying to wear again that are size 4. I'm not there, not yet. But I'm a lot closer than I was in September!

---

It's cold here. I know that's relative; 34 would be balmy up north somewhere. But I don't live up north somewhere.

I went out last night in a long-sleeved t-shirt, a hoodie, a sweatshirt, hat and gloves along with my running tights. It was cold at first, but then I settled in for the run and actually got hot. Four miles, no problems, and I actually ran it faster than normal.

The cold weather really doesn't affect the run, but it makes it that much more difficult to be motivated to get out there and do it.

Supposed to be even colder tonight. BRRRRR!

Bummer of a day turned out great!

I was so depressed when I woke up yesterday to cold and rain. I'll run in cold weather. I'll run in rainy weather.

But cold and rain is my limit.

So I puttered about, doing all my usual Sunday things -- grocery store, laundry, etc. -- when the lo, the skies parted and the sun came out.

I stopped in the middle of whatever I was doing and ran. Just three miles and a slow three miles spending mainly dodging puddles, but I ran.

Whew.

Simple things.

It really doesn't take much to make me happy. A good book. A crappy reality TV show when I'm bored. The sound of my kids' laughing. A Diet Dr. Pepper at noon.

So it pretty much follows history that my purchase yesterday sent me over the moon: A holster case for my iPod Touch.

Yes, I have the armband that everyone and his or her brother, sister, aunt, cousin and nephew have. I detest it. Actually, "detest" may be too mild of a word. I hate it with the fire of 10,000 suns.

I never can get it to feel right on my arm. It's either too tight or too loose. If I start out in layers and decide to take one layer off, I'm in trouble. I can run and take off a sweatshirt. I can't run and take my iPod armband off and then hold it while I take off a sweatshirt. It always ends in a mess.

If I want to skip a song or if I just want to see what's playing, it's complicated.

The plastic covering over the screen makes it difficult to push the right things.

I just do not like it. In fact, the difficulties associated with using it often contributed to a shorter run. I'd just get tired to dealing with it, so I stopped a mile or so earlier than I had planned.

Way back when I was running before, I had a rubber belt clip that went around my iPod Nano Mini (or whatever it was). I got it at Circuit City for $3, no lie. I got another belt clip when I got a new iPod for Christmas two years ago. But I had yet to find the same thing for my iPod Touch.

I had resorted to only wearing running clothes that have pockets in them, which is difficult at best.

But yesterday morning, on my way to the Gulf Terrace Hike and Bike Trail, I stopped at Computer Dimensions and found the holster of my dreams. I actually giggled in the store when the saleswoman showed it to me. It was $32, but I didn't care. FINALLY, a belt holster!

As I was walking out the door I was tearing the package apart.

And then, I ran 9.5 miles at the Hike and Bike Trail. It was the best run ever. I wasn't tired; I could have gone another few miles, but Russ, the kids and I were planning to go out that evening and it was almost 3 p.m.

I also dug up my old Nike+ sensor and put it in my shoe, bought the $1.99 Nike+ GPS app and used that with my iPod. Sheer heaven, although I need to re-calibrate the thing.

My time wasn't great. I am still planning on running The Gusher Half-Marathon, and I'd like to come in at under 2-and-a-half hours. I'd LOVE to come in at close to two hours. I'm not there yet. Now that I have my weight under control, and I'm in a schedule of running consistently, I need to work on my speed.

And now I have all the tools.

What works.

I think I've tried pretty much all diets and programs in the history of weight loss, at least the free ones.

I didn't always have a weight problem. Now, when I was in high school, I thought I was huge.

Looking back at pictures, I was completely and totally wrong.

When I was in college,  I was too busy to have a weight problem. Eighteen hours of school plus 32 hours of work equals not a lot of time.

When I was a new graduate, I was in a bad situation: I worked nights at a newspaper. I had lots of great friends there. We ate fast food and not-so-fast-food. We went out for drinks after work at least once a week. It was so easy to eat my way through the eight hours I was at work and then sleep most of the next day. One night, the women on the desk decided to go to Marble Slab and get huge sundaes FOR SUPPER.

The fact that I didn't blow up to three million pounds during that time is owed to the fact that I was young and indestructible.

No, my weight problem showed up after the first baby, my sweet Kyle. I kept it at bay for a bit after Miss K was born in 2001, but I wasn't very successful.

Here's what I've tried:

• WW a few times before it stuck.

• Starvation (not really, but eating these ridiculous amounts of food like four lettuce leaves, a slice of tomato and a splash of salad dressing).

• Low/no-carb (Atkins, South Beach, whatever). It works...until you eat a carb and then it's all over with. With my current plan, I can have a small piece of chocolate or a cookie and still be OK. Now if I let that fall into an everyday thing, or 20 pieces of chocolate, I have a problem. :-) But one won't hurt me.

• P90x. That was last summer. I liked the workouts. But the time commitment was huge and the entire time I was doing the workout, I was thinking, "I'd really rather be outside running. REALLY."

I think my body just responds very well to running. I think that, underneath all this mom-ness and 38-year-old-ness, I have a runner's body, because when I start consistently running, it responds very well and quickly.

Back when I was running before, I used to run during my lunch hour. One day, I saw the Lamar women's track team stretching before a run, and I noticed that they had similar body frames as I did: slight build up top and a more muscular one on the bottom. My body goes to that very quickly and automatically, once it realizes that this is something I'm going to do.

I have, as I've blogged before, made adjustments to my eating. I tell myself they're not big adjustments, but then I remember how I ate before and I know that yes, they are huge adjustments. But they're very manageable.

I stepped on the scale this morning to 127.6. I am not actively trying to lose more weight. I'm not. I'm eating three meals a day and running. I'm eating in restaurants -- I eat out for lunch five days a week. I'm eating home-cooked meals. Heck, I had five or six FRENCH FRIES yesterday!! I had a third of this very luxurious dark chocolate cookie on Thursday!! I'm eating, I promise!

I think this is what works: Eating less, mostly plants. Moving more. Drinking lots of water.

The most important thing that I think makes a dieting/exercise plan work is being ready.

During 2008-Sept. 25, 2010, I tried to get back into shape. I tried to get back to running, eating better. But it never worked. I wasn't truly invested in that. I said I was, and I knew that I needed to because I was gaining weight, but I just wasn't fully ready to give up what I needed to give up to do it.

I'd get up one morning, decide that was the day that I was going to eat right and exercise. Then, I'd get home at 8:45 p.m. after working all day and going to grad school and think, "I'm too tired. I'm going to grab something from Taco Bell and call it a night."

And then the next night, when I didn't have school, I'd be tired again. And again. And again.

I was making excuses. I wasn't ready. I'm still tired, y'all. I'm still busy. But I reach through that exhaustion and busy-ness to make time for running. I plan ahead so that I have something I can eat that won't be horrible for me.

Nothing worth having is easy. If it were, it wouldn't be worth having.

Next up: Arms.

After I ate lunch today, I had some extra time and I went to do a little shopping. I wasn't looking for anything in particular; mainly, I just wanted to see what size I could fit into.

(That answer would be six.)

I found a few dresses. One of them was particularly awesome -- black with black and red small fabric flowers circling around the neckline. So I tried it on and looked at myself in the mirror and...oh dear.

My upper arms are horrific. I mean, I guess they're like most women my age who haven't done any targeted weightlifting, but every time I wear something with no sleeve or a cap sleeve, there they are, just a-waving in the breeze.

Ugh.

I'm very self-conscious of them, even when I have plenty of other things to be self-conscious about.

And when I don't.

One shopping trip several months ago, Katie was with me and we were looking at dresses. She kept showing me dresses that she liked that were sleeveless, and I kept telling her I didn't like it. She was frustrated, because usually the girl can pick out some clothes, and she finally said, "I know you like this dress, Mama. Why won't you try it on?"

So I told her about my arms. And she remembered because from that point on, if I even touched a blouse or dress that was sleeveless, she'd say, "Mama, remember your arms."

That's my baby girl. Always looking out for her mama's arms.

So anyway, I always do better if I have a goal and since I've met my weight goal (and then some), I need something else to occupy my time (when I'm not working, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, taking care of kids, running, reading or watching TV).

So next will be my arms. I don't expect nor want big, muscular arms.

I just don't want wings anymore.

Exhilaration.

I ran last night (and the night before -- shhhh! I felt better and I just did three very slow miles).

I was kind of impatient -- my kids were being Pokey van Pokesters finishing their supper -- but finally they were done and I threw on my running clothes and headed out.

It was very freeing. Four miles, the weather was perfect and all my good music played on my iPod. What else could a girl ask for?

The last time I ran (before Monday night) was Thursday, Dec. 30. Russ was home with the kids so I took the opportunity to go to the hike and bike trail. I ran seven miles.

It was rough. I struggled. I did it and my time was OK, but I wasn't very happy for the majority of the run.

Maybe it was because I was already starting to get sick. Maybe I was getting bored with running.

Whatever it was, the three-day hiatus forced upon me by strep actually turned out to be a good thing, I think!

---

I do not recommend the Strep Diet as a way to lose weight. It's effective, but VERY painful.

The last meal I really ate was Katie's birthday lunch on Friday. I may have picked at some things here and there on Saturday and Sunday (I seem to recall eating some hummus one night?), but I didn't really eat until Monday at lunch.

So I'm a few pounds below 130 right now.

I'm still trying to decide if I'm OK with that, if my body is OK with that.

Loss/gain.

Almost 20 years ago, on July 4, 1991, Russell Miller asked me to be his wife.

I said yes, and the rest is history. :-)

My engagement ring was a simple, round solitaire. He had sought my input before he bought the ring and I had given him some very specific guidelines:

1. Nothing big and flashy. I've always seen big flashy engagement rings as kind of a marking of territory and I'm not anyone's "territory." Also, I'd have a really hard time sleeping at night while wearing a ring that was worth more than a lot of people's monthly income.

2. I didn't want a set. I don't like them. I didn't want one. I didn't want to tempt fate. Get me a simple solitaire and we'd find the match when the time came.

And, when the time came a few years later, we found a beautiful ring guard that fit the solitaire perfectly.

This is the ring Russ put on my finger on March 11, 1995:

I wore that ring like crazy. When I was pregnant with Kyle and my fat pregnant fingers couldn't wear it anymore, he bought me a thin gold band.

I've had it sized up and down multiple times.

The last time I had it sized down, the jeweler told me that would probably be the last time anything could be done to it, that if I was going to need it sized one way or the other, they'd have to break it down and build it back up.

Over the past few weeks, I've almost lost my ring four or five times -- in the dirty clothes hamper, at the grocery store in the pile of bell peppers.

So today at lunch, I went to James Avery and ordered this ring:

It will be in on Friday or so.

When I was a young married woman, I'd look at older married women who were just wearing a band and wonder why they would ever stop wearing their engagement ring. Why would someone do that?

Well, now I know at least one reason: My love for that wedding set is eclipsed by the fear of losing it. That ring and guard symbolized me back then, as a 22-year-old.

This ring symbolizes me now.

SSDD: Same Stuff, Different Day

I'm still sick. I still haven't run. Yawn.

I feel a bit better today, three doses of antibiotics into this. No fever since about 8 p.m. yesterday, and the razor blades in my throat are a little smaller.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have something more interesting, something more inspiring to write about.

But today, I'm going to sit on the couch in my PJs and watch bad TV. :-)

Sick, Part II.

I hate being sick. I never, ever get sick. EVER.

But here I am, really sick. After briefly feeling a little better yesterday, I sank into the depths last night. I told Russ that if I still felt horrible in the morning, I was going to St. E Minor Care.

Well, an hour and $150 later, I have strep. I thought that's what it was -- fever alternating with chills, the feeling of freaking razor blades in my throat every time I swallowed -- but needed it to be official so I could get the meds.

I haven't run since Thursday during the day, and I'm getting panicky. That's why I really went -- I wanted to get better quickly so I can get back out there.

I'm hoping that by Tuesday, I'll be back in business. Maybe tomorrow night, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

There were some plusses to my doctor's visit, however.

1. I haven't gained any weight since I hit 130 on Thursday morning. I was a bit concerned about that. I haven't been watching what I've been eating the past two days because Friday was my baby's birthday and I deserved birthday cake (I'm the one who was in labor for 4.5 hours!). We also ate at my in-laws' house a couple of nights. I held back on my eating, and I guess that plus being sick helped out.

2. My BP was 121/63. The nurse said, in fact, that I couldn't get any better than that. So, yay me! I don't know what it was 30 pounds ago, but surely my weight loss plus running has made a difference.

I'm on Augmentin, two HUGE pills a day. Seriously. My tonsils are the size of hamburger buns and you give me HUGE pills to swallow?? But I choked the first one down this morning and will happily take the second one this evening. Hopefully tomorrow will find the whole thing going much easier.

And I am getting back on the road as soon as I possibly can!

Sick.

I didn't run last night. I didn't even care that I didn't run last night. I was sicker than I have been in a while. Chills, fever, sore throat... I toughed it out during the day while we took Kate out for her birthday lunch, bought her some new clothes and stuff. But when we went to the in-laws in the evening for supper and fireworks, I gave up and slept in the recliner most of the time.

I feel better today. I think I will be able to run tonight, if I rest today. I'm not going to be able to do the Resolution Run this morning, though, and that makes me very sad.