Need my fix.

Years and years ago, before I had children and had time (and the stomach) to watch Lifetime made-for-TV movies, I watched a movie called "Chasing the Dragon." It starred Markie Post, of "Night Court" fame. (Aside: Russ walked in while I was watching said movie, and to this day, we frequently use the phrase "chasing the dragon" to describe our own addictions -- coffee, Diet DP, dark chocolate, etc.)

The movie was horrific. It was about a mom who becomes addicted to heroin. Her life falls apart, of course, so she decides to give it up cold turkey.

Oh wow. That was a mess. She was anxious, bitchy, teary, nervous, unable to focus...

Markie, I know exactly how you feel.

Running is an addiction, as much as any drug. I am living proof right now.

I am unusually impatient and bitchy: I cursed a blue streak at all drivers in my way from the second I dropped Kate at school until I pulled into the parking lot at work. Their crimes? Driving too slowly (in my opinion). Leaving blinkers on after they turned. Not moving the second the light turned green.

I know.

I am teary: This morning, I went into Kate's room to wake her up. The kids have small Christmas trees in their bedrooms, and my girlie uses the lights on hers as a nightlight. I have to peel back layers and layers of blankets and quilts to get to my Katie-Bug, and when I did, the sight of her face -- which in that light, at that moment, reminded me SO MUCH of how she looked as a baby -- moved me to serious tears, y'all. Serious, ugly tears. Y'all, she's going to be TEN in 30 days! Some day, she will be THIRTY!

I know.

I am anxious: I have taken to pacing, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. From the front door to the kitchen. From the laundry room to the end of the dining room. I can't focus on the simplest of tasks. Decisions that used to take me 0.2 seconds to make now require lots of thought.

I know.

I know this is necessary, this rest. And I know that on Sunday, around 1 p.m., I'll feel GREAT.

But right now, I'm jonesing for a good, long run.