Different.

I don't believe I have the adequate vocabulary to describe how much losing 45 pounds has changed me, and mostly for the better.

I still believe the same way I always have. I still love crappy reality shows. I still would rather do *anything* than fold clothes, and I will watch the timelessly cheesy movie, "The Wedding Planner" any day, any time.

But there are parts of me that are totally and completely changed.

I will do anything at any time, without question. The Beth 45 pounds ago would probably have ended up doing the same things I do today, but she would have been hesitant and would have had to talk herself into doing them. And we're not talking crazy, insane things here, people. We're talking about going to a new restaurant, or getting a personal trainer or buying outrageously high-heeled shoes.

I adore almond butter. ADORE IT. Peanut butter, too. I've never been a fan previously. I've tried to like it, but never really could. I'm not sure what has brought on this love, but it's powerful, y'all. I eat it in my oats in the morning, on a half of whole-wheat muffin...anywhere!

I'm not afraid to wear items of clothing that before, I would have died rather than wear them. Yesterday, I wore WHITE JEANS. White. Jeans. Y'all, really? That word combination was not even in my vocabulary several months ago. I didn't even consider them because I knew, inherently, that white jeans would equal huge ass. But I wore them yesterday and didn't even think about it (although it appears that white jeans make your butt look HUGE no matter what. Or maybe it's just my butt. Sigh.)

Thanks to Adam, my trainer, I'm wearing shorter sleeves and in some cases, sleeveless things without a cardigan. My upper arms aren't Michelle Obama-worthy, but they are MUCH improved over just a few months ago. I own a two-piece bathing suit. It's not a string bikini and I'm not a candidate for Miss America in it, but I can wear it and not look like a fool.

I used to be horribly insecure. No matter what I did, no matter how well I did it, I wasn't good enough -- parenting, work, life. Even when I knew deep inside that it probably WAS good enough, I believed that it probably wasn't. Now, I have the confidence to know that I did my absolute best, and it will be OK. Even if the end result isn't what I originally dreamt up, it will all be OK.

There are other changes -- I have more energy, my hair is thicker and fuller than ever, my legs look nice -- but it all adds up to a better me.

She was there, hidden under those extra layers of pounds, all along.